Those Phrases given by A Father That Helped Me when I became a New Father

"I believe I was just in survival mode for twelve months."

Ex- Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey expected to manage the demands of being a father.

But the truth soon proved to be "completely different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health complications around the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was forced into acting as her main carer in addition to looking after their infant son Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, every nappy change… every walk. The job of both parents," Ryan stated.

Following nearly a year he reached burnout. It was a chat with his own dad, on a public seat, that made him realise he required support.

The direct phrases "You aren't in a good spot. You need some help. What can I do to assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and find a way back.

His experience is far from unique, but rarely discussed. Although society is now more comfortable talking about the stress on mums and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the challenges new fathers face.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan thinks his difficulties are linked to a wider reluctance to talk between men, who often absorb harmful perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and doesn't fall every time."

"It is not a display of weakness to seek help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men often don't want to accept they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - particularly in front of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental well-being is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the chance to request a break - taking a short trip overseas, away from the home environment, to gain perspective.

He came to see he had to make a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's feelings as well as the practical tasks of looking after a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has reshaped how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will help his son to better grasp the vocabulary of emotional life and interpret his parenting choices.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen lacked consistent male parenting. Despite having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, profound difficult experiences meant his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says bottling up emotions led him to make "bad choices" when younger to alter how he was feeling, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as an escape from the hurt.

"You turn to substances that aren't helpful," he says. "They might temporarily change how you feel, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Advice for Getting By as a New Father

• Talk to someone - if you feel under pressure, speak to a friend, your other half or a professional how you're feeling. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the things that helped you to feel like you before becoming a parent. This might be exercising, seeing friends or gaming.
• Don't ignore the physical health - a good diet, staying active and where possible, resting, all contribute in how your mental state is coping.
• Meet other first-time fathers - listening to their journeys, the messy ones, along with the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Know that seeking help isn't failing - prioritising yourself is the optimal method you can look after your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the passing, having been out of touch with him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead give the safety and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - processing the frustrations safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they acknowledged their issues, changed how they express themselves, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I wrote, at times I believe my purpose is to teach and advise you on life, but actually, it's a exchange. I am discovering just as much as you are on this path."