🔗 Share this article Navigating my Yearning for Spontaneous Intimacy While Seeking a Meaningful Relationship Being a gay man approaching 50, my life has involved many, largely enjoyable years engaging in spontaneous encounters with other men since the age of 19. During my fourth decade, I was in a serious relationship that lasted a significant period, however I never felt completely content, in that I felt neither loved or sexually nourished. Truthfully, my constant desire has been for uncommitted intimacy. Every time I start to date any man, when the initial excitement fades, I always get the urge to have sex with new partners again. Questioning the Feasibility of Exclusive Commitment I am now wondering if I’ll ever be able to maintain a faithful partnership. I understand that many homosexual males have non-monogamous arrangements, yet from my observations, they appear demanding, frequently causing lots of heartache and envy for everyone involved. In many ways, I desire a partner to care for me while letting me remain sexually free, but I fear the emotional drain this would cause. Is it best to continue to have casual sex and acknowledge that a long-term relationship is not possible? I’m feeling somewhat confused. Each individual's sexual journey fluctuates. Try not to think of your relationship needs or your capacity to handle different types of sexual unions in a finite way. What you need in your current state could easily shift down the road; eventually you might become less ambivalent and discover greater understanding and a comfortable path … or perhaps not. One day you could encounter someone offering a life-changing chance to you by reflecting what you want in a holistic fashion … and later on you may choose that casual connections suit you best. Fretting over what lies ahead and playing the “What if?” game is merely rooted in fear and a waste of your efforts. Aim to stay in the moment with your partners, and recognize the value of every individual with whom you might have an intimate bond. If and when the time is right to strengthen true intimacy with one partner, you will know. Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a American therapy professional focusing on addressing sexual disorders.